Death is Like Taking off a Tight Shoe
by lemonsensei
Summary: Lucky by Bif Naked songfic. As Shuichi approaches death, Yuki begins to look back on their relationship. Warnings: May contain lemon, character death, angst, language, OOC Yuki, and fluff.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, that wonderful right belongs to Maki Murakami. I also don't own the lyrics to "Lucky" by Bif Naked.

CHAPTER ONE

It was a Monday, when my lover told me,  
"Never pay the reaper with love only."  
What could I say to you, except, "I love you."  
And "I'd give my life for yours."

It was Monday night when I finished banging out the final words to my latest novel. It wasn't until I was stretching in my desk chair, sipping my lukewarm coffee, when I noticed it was already 10:00, and Shuichi still wasn't home. The first thought to enter my head was that he might have gotten into an accident with Hiro on the way home, and the last thing I would have said to him was that I didn't have time to pick the damn brat up tonight. Reason got the better of me, and I decided that K was more likely just holding the band late tonight, and the easiest way to settle this would be to call Shuichi's cell phone.

After what seemed like an eternity, Shuichi's perky voice message came on, and I hung up the phone and began pacing the room. What if Shuichi was hurt? What if he died?

Finally, I heard the front door click open behind me. Whirling around, I saw a disgruntled Shuichi stumbling in, eyes heavily lidded. He didn't even look up to see me, didn't even grunt a hello. I was suddenly overwhelmed with an inexplicable anger. He comes home late, doesn't even call me, and then doesn't even apologize?

Taking a few quick strides, I easily reached the hall before the slowly trudging Shuichi. Blocking the way to the bedroom, I forced Shuichi to look at me.

"Please, Yuki," he sighed, staring determinedly at my chest.

"What do you think you're doing? Where were you? Where the hell were you?" I yelled.

"I…" Shuichi tried to explain, but his voice faltered. He looked up at me, his eyes full of tears. "I don't want to tell you."

"Are you cheating on me, Shu? Are you fucking cheating on me?"

"No! I would never do that," Shuichi whispered.

"Then what is it?" I demanded impatiently.

"I… I was at… the doctor's," Shuichi whispered. His voice was barely audible, but I was able to hear the word 'doctor' as though he had screamed it in my ear.

"The doctor's? What were you doing there?" In a flash, my angry voice had turned to one of concern, though I doubt Shuichi would be able to detect it. Anger and lust are the only emotions I easily display.

"It's nothing," Shuichi sighed, taking my shock as a chance to push his way past me and in to the bedroom.

"Shuichi," I pleaded. For the first time tonight, Shuichi looked up at me.

"You didn't notice, I guess," he said. I was shocked to hear anger in my lover's voice. "You never notice anything."

"I…" I tried to protest, but I knew Shuichi was right.

Shuichi sighed and rolled his eyes, then turned over on the bed so that his face was in a pillow. His voice was muffled as he began talking to me, but by the way his shoulder's were shaking, I could tell he was crying. "I've been tired for over a week now, and I've been losing weight. Today, at work, I passed out, and Hiro took me to the doctor's office. And…"

Shuichi turned over to look at me. His face was red and streaked with tears. "I'm dying, Yuki."

I literally felt my heart stop momentarily. '_He's joking, right? Oh, God, Shu, you can't die!'_

"You… you…" I stammered, taking a step towards the bed.

"I'm dying, God damn it!" Shuichi screamed, tears flowing freely from his eyes. And then, for the first time since I've known Shuichi, I started to cry, too.

"You can't die, Shu! You can't leave me!" I moaned, wrapping my arms around Shuichi and rocking him back and forth. I ran my hand up and down Shuichi's back, and I could feel every bone in his small body. How could I not have noticed how sick he was getting?

At first, Shuichi was tense in my embrace, but he began to relax into me, pressing his face against my chest.

"It's cancer, Yuki," Shuichi whispered against my neck once we both had calmed down a bit. "I only have a couple months left."

"Oh, Shuichi," I whispered, my grip on Shuichi tightening.

"Will you promise me something?" Shuichi asked feebly.

"Anything, Shu," I told him, looking him in the eye. And I meant it, too.

"Promise me you won't cry. Don't cry when I'm alive, don't cry when I die. Just be happy… be happy that… that you get to live these last few months with me, okay?" Shuichi asked, and I could tell he was stifling back a few tears himself.

I was taken aback momentarily, but resolutely I told him, "I promise."

Shuichi smiled weakly, and buried his face in my chest once again.

As I ran my fingers through the baka's pink hair, I began to appreciate for what seemed like the first time how soft Shuichi was - his hair, his skin, his eyes, his heart.

"I love you, Yuki," Shuichi whispered to my chest. "But I guess not even love holds off death."

I nearly broke my promise right then. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but Shuichi's voice broke into my head, and I knew that crying wouldn't help anything.

"Shuichi," I moaned.

Shuichi looked up from my chest and looked at me, eyes full of questions. "Yeah, Yuki?"

"I… I love you," I told him.

"Yuki, you don't have…" Shuichi began to say, but I put one finger over his mouth to silence him.

"I really do," I insisted. "I've loved you for so long, but I've never been able to tell you. And I'm not just saying it because you're going to die, because love is a lifelong commitment, and I know I won't be able to love anyone after you're gone the way I love you now."

"Y-yuki," Shuichi whispered. His eyes went all watery, but the corner of his mouth flickered upward.

I bent my head down and placed a gentle kiss upon Shuichi's trembling lips, and then I whispered against them, "I don't know what I'll do without you. I don't know why it can't be me."

"Oh, Yuki," Shuichi whispered, capturing my lips again. It was a passionate kiss, but it was very gentle; we were just barely touching. Fingertips roamed necks, backs, arms, and chests, as if they were newly presented before us. We were barely holding each other, yet we felt closer than ever.

XXXXXXXX

Yes, I know, very short. The next chapter will be longer, I promise! Please review... this is my first angsty fic!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own "Gravitation" (Maki Murakami) or "Lucky" (Bif Naked).

A/N: I know this isn't how it went in the book, but I'm changing it around for very important purposes… (nods). Sorry for having this out so late...

CHAPTER TWO

The first time we made love, I... I wasn't sober.

And you told me you loved me over and over

How could I ever love another, when I miss you every day?

Shuichi's condition was getting worse with each passing day. Now, after only a month since discovering the shocking time that the days I had left with my bubbly lover were numbered, Shuichi was almost constantly ready to fall asleep. He was much happier than he was the day he found out he was dying, however, which was a definite improvement.

One day, I was sitting in bed reading to him. He always tells me how much he loves to hear my voice. After only a few pages, however, Shuichi had fallen asleep in my lap, head against my chest. Carefully, so as not to disturb him, I placed the book on the end table and wrapped my arms around Shuichi's neck, holding him even closer to me. It's hard to remember the times when I thought it was only possible to be this close when having sex. It's hard to remember when I took Shuichi's love for me for granted. But sometimes, I have flashbacks to those simpler times. I often recall the first time we had sex. Shuichi was still a virgin, and I was still sleeping with other people.

XXXXX

I took another swig of the beer in my hand. I had probably already gone through a pack by now, but I didn't care. Nobody could tell when I was drunk.

"Yuki, I'm bored, can't we go out somewhere?" Shuichi whined, walking into the living room, where I was sitting, watching TV.

"No," I grumbled angrily.

"But…" Shuichi began to protest.

"No," I simply stated again. Shuichi sighed and sat down on my lap, leaning against my chest and staring angrily at the TV, arms crossed.

"What the…" I began to yell, angry that Shuichi was making it challenging to see the screen, but another thought came into my head as I felt a slight tug in my loin.

Shuichi began to squirm uncomfortably on my lap, his perfect ass rubbing against my slowly forming erection again and again. God, he's so oblivious.

"Yuki, this show's so boooring," Shuichi whined. "Can't you think of _anything_ fun to do?"

"Oh, yeah, I think there's _something_," I smirked, turning my head and slowly licking up the side of Shuichi's neck.

"Ah, Yuki!" Shuichi squealed, squirming even more. "What are you doing?"

"Something fun," I breathed against his ear, before taking the lobe in my mouth and gently sucking in and out.

"Mm… Yuki," Shuichi moaned, tilting his head to give me better access and arching his back.

"I told you this was fun," I laughed, running my tongue down Shuichi's jaw. "Turn around."

Shuichi eagerly complied, straddling my hips and wrapping his arms around my neck. I placed my hands around his waist and roughly slammed him into me, rolling my hips against him.

"Oh, Yu…" Shuichi began to moan, but I silenced him with my mouth, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I began to unbutton his shirt, but Shuichi brought his hands up around my wrists.

"What?" I snapped gruffly.

"You… what are you… what are we doing?" he sputtered.

"I'm going," I smirked, grabbing Shuichi's ass and tossing him onto the floor. "To fuck you."

"Yuki, n-no! We… I've never…" Shuichi began protesting, but I was already kneeling on top of him, pinning his arms above his head.

"Shh," I whispered into his ear as I removed one of my hands to rub it gently down his bare chest. "This will be fun."

I moved backward and began sucking on one of his nipples, making circles around it with my tongue. Shuichi began moaning, so I bit the nipple, causing Shuichi to scream, then I softly licked the red area again, making Shuichi start moaning all over again. I made a trail down the center of Shuichi's chest with my tongue, dipping into his belly button, and stopping just at the top of his pants.

"Ah, Yuki," Shuichi moaned eagerly, squirming underneath of me.

I smirked up at him, then slowly pulled down his pants and boxers, revealing Shuichi's hardened member before me. I began idly stroking up and down with one finger, circling the balls and stroking the head.

"Mmm… so good… Yuki… I want…" Shuichi whispered.

I bent my head down and swallowed as much of Shuichi's length in my mouth as I could at one time, holding his hips down with one hand. I slowly pulled my head up until I was almost all the way out, when I massaged Shuichi's head with my tongue, then rammed back down again.

"AH! Yuki, please, please…" Shuichi whimpered.

"Yes?" I asked, crawling towards the face of the squirming boy beneath me.

"I need… you… in me…" he gasped.

I smirked at him, then stood up and walked away.

"YUKI! You can't do this to me!" Shuichi whined, too uncomfortable to get up. "Come back, God damn it!"

I returned moments later, clothes discarded, and a bottle of lube in my hand.

"What the hell is that?" Shuichi pouted.

"You'll thank me for this later," I smiled, coating my fingers in the lube. "Ready?"

Shuichi nodded frivolously, and I placed one finger at his untouched entrance and slowly pushed it in.

"Oh," Shuichi gasped, eyes rolling back and nails digging into his shirt underneath of him.

"Jesus Christ, if you're going to get like that with one finger, imagine what it'll be like with my dick in you," I grumbled, inserting the second finger and making scissoring motions inside of Shuichi.

"I… need… I… want…" Shuichi whispered determinedly.

Once I had inserted the third finger, I quickly removed my fingers and tossed the lube bottle at Shuichi.

"Lube me up, bitch," I smirked. Shuichi eagerly complied, pumping my cock with his lube-covered hand. Once I was covered, I placed the tip of my dick at Shuichi's entrance.

"Sure you're ready?" I asked one more time, though fully intending on having my way with him no matter what his answer was.

"YES!" Shuichi cried, wrapping his legs around my hips and shoving me inside of him.

Which I could tell was a really bad move, as his eyes started to fell with tears and his mouth opened with a silent scream.

"Fuck, Shu, you go slowly the first time!" I growled, gently removing myself.

"No… keep… going…" Shuichi choked out. I rolled my eyes, but started to slowly insert myself again. This time, as I brushed Shuichi's prostate, his screams of pain turned to screams of ecstasy as he arched his back and cried out my name.

"Yuki… I love you… God, I love you!" Shuichi screamed as I rammed into the young boy again and again.

Finally, Shuichi came, his seed running down our stomachs, and after a few more thrusts, I emptied my seed inside of him and collapsed on top of the young singer.

"Yuki, that was… so nice," Shuichi whispered.

I lifted my head to look at the sweaty and exhausted boy beneath me.

"Nice?" I asked skeptically.

"It was fucking great, okay?" Shuichi whined, looking away. I smirked and removed myself from him, and was about to stand up, when Shuichi grabbed my wrist.

"Stay with me, just a little longer, okay?" Shuichi whispered. I wouldn't normally, but since I _had_ just deflowered the boy, I decided to appease him.

"I love you, Yuki," he whispered into my chest before falling asleep.

XXXXX

I was pulled out of my reverie by Shuichi's moans. His head was turning against my chest and his eyes were pressed shut.

"Shuichi?" I asked, concerned. I gently trailed my fingers across his cheek and chest until he calmed down and relaxed into me again. I bent my head down and placed a soft kiss in his hair. It smelled like strawberries.

"How am I going to get on without you?" I asked Shuichi. I don't think there will ever be anyone for me. Not like Shuichi.

No one will ever be like my Shuichi.

XXXXX

End! Okay, yeah... short, once again. Please review! Please? (sniff)


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